Where to start when writing down a testimony of a healing of the heart and the inner man?
A healing that transformed heartbreaking pain into a new life.

In 2009 I discovered that my husband was having an affair with another women. The confrontation with this fact was for him the starting point to move to her place, for my it was the beginning of a relationship with God. Although a neighbor told me that night – after I called her with the message “HELP! I am ready to do something stupid” – that Jesus also died for this case and that I could go with her to church the next morning, I told her I did not need it. She stayed most of that night with me, but she did not insist.

The next morning I called her with the following message: “Rush to my place, but do not wait fifteen more minutes, or I will not go with you anymore.”

Fifteen minutes later she showed up, way too early to leave for “that church”, but she really wanted to take me to “that church”. After the sermon she suggested to talk to someone of the leadership team. A little while later Inger was sitting next to me and, to could a long story short, some moments later I gave my life to Jesus.

We have a God of relationship, Who makes all things new, so He could save my marriage. Was I really convinced of this? I do not know, but we did pray for it.
When I came home, my husband called me asking if it was ok to pass by to get some clothes. Off my hope for a saved marriage went. I was a wreck, my heart hurt unbearably, my life was falling apart. My neighbor watched over me the whole week and showed me who I was, while she offered a safe harbor and while she was most probably praying for me.

Despite all that was happening, I did not feel lonely. I was terribly angry with and disappointed in God. After three days I felt guilty, because although I was wearing sackcloth and ashes, I somehow felt joy. To me this was a sign that Jesus was real. We continued to pray for a marriage recovery and some weeks later my husband came back home. I was happy, despite all the present tension.

The whole period before his homecoming the only glimmer of hope was Sunday (and later on also Tuesday), the day on which I went to church. When I was there, I wanted to go home, but still I continued to go to church, also after my husband’s homecoming. And then, one Sunday I came home from church and he had left definitively… I just knew it. From that day onwards I started searching God for who He is and not only to save my marriage. It has been a serious battle: crying, being angry and sometimes furious, wanting to stop living, doing anything to get my husband back.

I remember buying in those first months the book “My beloved child”.
I would nestle myself into Daddy’s lap and did as the writer suggested: I read the book out loud. The first days I was unable to read three lines before tears started to flow. But I did persevere. Everyday over and over in my rocking chair on Daddy’s lap. Step by step I started to realize – by reading, by going to church and by going after God – how valuable I am.

“We have a living God!” In church I nodded affirmatively. At home I subside: “a living God, a living God, I do not feel anything like that!” The weeks passed by until one day in February I was lying in my warm bath. Tears were flowing and I felt like a pile of misery until I felt on an instant arms around me. I knew it were Gods arms. That night God became very vivid to me.

Although I was still feeling terrible, I started working part-time again. The pain started to disappear gradually. I felt guilty about this, because “what would people think about this…”

The whole first year since my husband left me for another women, I had been “forgiving” her, but not from my heart. I felt much greater than her, looked down on hear and I spoke disdainful about her and treated her accordingly.
Yet I chose that very day to say: “today I am a Christian for one year, it has been a year since I gave my life to Jesus.” I decided to attend a His Healing Love week. During that week I received a deep joy that keeps on growing!

To that day it was still unclear what would happen. A vast number of clothes was still in the closet and there was no question of divorce, which made things not easier. We would go on a church weekend and I forced my husband to make up his mind by the time I would come home. He should take away his clothes and his stuff, or he should come back. The Friday of that weekend came closer and I called him to find out whether he had already made a decision. He had one question: “would God like me less if I stay with her?” “No,” I answered, “whatever decision you make, God will not like you less.” On that instant I knew the closet would be empty upon my return. Still I left for the weekend, because I knew that it was good to go!

In the meantime I was enormously encouraged by the teachings and by the people in our church. I got a whole new family in Jesus, and my life was gradually changing into something new. But believe me, I have been oftentimes angry with God and that has always been clear to him. Despite this He stayed close to me, loved my, changed me, blessed me, healed me and asked me to play an active role in His victory within me.

SO… the day came on which He said: “now is the time to apologize to the girlfriend of you ex-husband for your behavior.” I knew I had to write her a letter. It is known that I have a big mouth, so I told God: “I will do it, but you will have to take care she gets the letter. I think that no less than two days later I got a phone call from my ex-husband asking if he could pass by the next day. Time to start writing… When he came I had finished the letter and asked him if he would give it to her. I saw his mind going: “oh no, her we go again!” I told him that – if it was ok with her – he could read the letter as well. The letter had been passed on, because the next day she sent me a text message. At that moment I could not stand it anymore, I burst out in tears and thank her for her message. God clearly knew where he was going at, because that very same moment forgiveness that goes deeper than words came.

Today, eight years later, I live a lovely life being a single, day after day closer to God. It has been a long journey, but… what an outcome, what a life I got instead! I could never imagine that something good would come out of that divorce, BUT He makes ALL things work together for good.

I cannot feel or even imagine the heartbreaking pain that used to be there. I know it has been awful, but Daddy took it away. It is such a blessing to be able to say this!!

I know that I know that I know that I know it. My life is one big adventure going from blessing to blessing. Is it really always easy, do you never have any difficulty anymore? Oooooh yes, but Daddy carries me through if I allow him. And he is always peacefully awaiting.

He is proud of me, He loves me and sometimes I can imagine it. I see him smiling delightfully at me. While walking, I sometimes literally walk up to him; in the evening I nestle myself on his lap in the rocking chair and on other times we are hopping around together. It is pleasant to be able to live like this. The life he renewed is wonderful. I am head over heels in love with him! And you know what? That love is present for everyone… right now in this very moment. Why would you continue to wait?