Healing from rejection in the Fatherheartschool

After the Fatherheart school of November we received a very nice testimony from Ans. Ans, presently 71 years, came also to the school of healing. Here she tells her story. “The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.” Proverbs 4:18.

My story is one that goes from “exclusion” to “fully belonging”. I became conscious of the rejection in my life only very slowly. In the old days these things were not talked about. I think it started at my birth. My mother had a thrombosis and was not allowed to move for days. I was a disturbing element, crying, needing care and attention. All I got was a pacifier with sugar. I grew up in a Christian home where the Lord was talked about. I had a tremendous father but he died at the age of 39. My sister, a year younger than I, always was the nice and obedient girl. I was very enterprising and always got the blame beforehand when something happened. As a child I found it very difficult to make friends. I never belonged in a larger group. Participating in company was very hard for me. I dared not be myself and talked little.

At the age of 20 I accepted the Lord. It wasn’t explained how to do that. In my struggle for certainty I cried out that I believed that Jesus died for my sins. At that very moment I was filled with a deep certitude. In my job I did feel secure but outside of work relationships were very difficult. Other mostly turned away from me. E.g. when in a bus the seat next to me remained unoccupied the longest. In a class, at a reception or a birthday party I always felt alone and was always standing by myself. My husband was totally different, he thrived in a group and enjoyed company. He never understood me in this but he accepted me and helped me. It was pleasant to do things together, as long as it was for business or just the two of us. Paying a visit was harder, I always dreaded it. Entertaining guests was a burdensome task. We had three children and raised them to the best of our abilities. After some detours we found ourselves as a family in a Christian church community.

It is some 20 years ago that someone drew my attention to rejection for the first time. She described what I experienced and people prayed for me. I did notice some change and thought that would be all. But there was a new confrontation when my mother died. After all the arrangements for the funeral had clearly agreed upon, things turned out very different due to my halfsister. Rejection again…. But a brother-in-law and a sister on mother’s side prayed with me and all resentment disappeared. “Now, it’s okey” I thought, “now proof the sum”. I received an invitation to the Fatherheartschool, after prayer, I knew I should go. From the start it worked out differently than expected. Greeting each other after the first session…ugh! that manipulation! My alarm did not go off the first morning. I dared not arriving too late for breakfast and felt superfluous everywhere… no one seemed to want to talk with me.

On Monday night I packed my bags and told the Lord that if He wasn’t going to do something tomorrow, I’d go home, I couldn’t handle this. On Tuesday morning the teaching was on forgiveness. When you sin against someone, you damage that person, rob that person. I felt I had sinned against the lady at my table. That morning she had kindly nodded me a couple of times but I had not reacted. I was angry. After the meeting I looked her up and set things right. There was forgiveness, acceptance and great joy. A woman I knew from the Healing school joined me in the corridor and kept company. But I still hadn’t arrived. Sitting at breakfast table on Thursday morning I looked around and suddenly I thought “I belong here, I’m part of it!” What a revelation, what a joy. I don’t know when it happened… during the soaking time? during prayer? I had felt nothing special.

Just honor be to my heavenly Father! He sent me there, piled up the loniless and set me free! On the last day I was the first to testify, I could do that now because all these people were now family! “For 71 years I didn’t feel being a part of things, but now I do!” Afterwards I danced until I was exhausted. From one to the other. Wonderful, I had never done that, I always used to stand on the sidelines. I can enjoy every day now. I can laugh again and feel my strength returning. The struggle is over! When I came home from the school I embraced my son –the last time I did that was at New Year, that’s when you do that- Feike recovered a funny mother. My arms were bent and I laughed with the silliest things. I wanted to draw smileys everywhere…

Now I realize why I was always feeling tired. Dealing with people used to be a fight because I never felt I belonged. Going to the Healing school was a struggle, not because of the teachings but because of the breaks between the sessions. Now I thank everyday for the restoration of my strength and for the healing of every illness, both are promised! I am so happy! I belong and that is what my heavenly Daddy did!

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