Together with my husband Hugo and our family, we are going through the darkest valley of our
lifetime. Hugo and I fought together side by side. We all have our own stories. This is the story of a
mother whom, after years of battling and praying for her son to have a life worth living, could not
imagine ever taking leave from her son.

A prayer of thanks
I thank you Father for entrusting us with Andy. I can still remember the happiness on his day of
birth as if it was yesterday as he was our first born child. The sight of that little wonder was a feast
for my eyes. We would do anything to strengthen this creature we received from you for the life
ahead. With Andy came an extra challenge.
Thank you Father that we stood not alone in praying for him. Thank you Father that you’ve
protected him so many times. Thank you Father that You gave us Your supernatural love to love
him through everything, a love he needed so badly! Thank You for the 36 years he was here on
earth and for the memories, to which we gladly look back. Thank you that, more and more, I could
see through Your eyes his search for your warm love, for a homecoming with You.
The fight he fought was very painful for all of us. Nevertheless, and despite his battles and the flee
into revelry, he sought you Father. Thank You Father for looking for him intensely. Your promise of
redemption is a promise for all our children, Andy included. You put so much gifts in him, gifts that
never had a chance to flourish.
Thank you for the theater course, for what it has done to me. You are special!

Our son Andy gone missing
January 29, 2016. We go through a new crisis situation in Andy's life. We are exhausted. Even if
we distance ourselves sometimes, the fact that our child is unhappy sticks to us as parents in
thoughts and feelings. Still something happens we do not expect in this time; he is gone missing,;
all the facts tell us we have to take this very seriously. How do you handle this as a parent? It just
comes to you, and you have to go through it. Of course this is very difficult. Day and night I
proclaim psalm 23 and that he is alive, but also that he comes home to the Father. The days and
nights are full of fearful waiting. The Word, personal prayer, the prayers of brothers and sisters, our
children standing side by side and trying to find answers together with us, the family, the church
and neighbors standing with us. That is what we did for an entire month; time stand passes by
slowly.

We approach the theater weekend of Carla Veldhuis. It takes place from February 26 through
February 28 and the theme is "Royalty". In 2015, when I attended for the first time, I got a big
breakthrough in performing drama and clownery. This time I have the privilege to be in the prayer
team, and to follow the classes I like. I cannot imagine how to do this in the present circumstances,
but I believe that if Father plans this for me, He will also give me strength to share and to receive.

So I go. What a blessing that Carine comes with me. We enjoyed being together, she was often
very supportive.
During the weekend Christian teachers teach a wide range of creative expressions. This touches
the heart of God. We start the weekend with corporate prayer and meetings. At the center of the
table stood a sculpture of the prodigal son in the Father’s arms. Carla had posted a picture of the
sculpture on Facebook earlier in connection to a personal and radical situation, but for me it
connected to the prayers for my son last month. It touched me deeply. I informed the coworkers
about my situation and asked them not to ignore me. They definitely did not do it. Thanks dear
team for regularly approaching me and hugging me intensly. I was carried by prayer.

In drama class I gave myself totally in an increasing way, and I could enjoy "playing".
Between classes I was asked to pray; while praying for others, I received power and life.Saturday afternoon there were workshops. One was about clownery. Beforehand I said that I
would certainly not go to that workshop. But I felt I was ready for and it was pure joy. The last
assginement was that a person had to stand before the group, and tell something personal to each
of them individually.
I knew that it was my task, and took the time to share what I had been drinking in. I passed words
of Father’s love to each of them. What a feast! After class the teacher asked me if I did something
in God’s kingdom as a clown. I told her that I have not been able to do a lot of clownery, as serious
family circumstances occupied our lives for 20 years The details made her shiver... What strength
was given to me today to be that clown. Only Jesus can do that.

The next workshop I chose was "deepening through images". It came down to drawing images
given by the Holy Spirit, and writing a text. The text coming out of my drawings was:
"How fierce the battle may be, the David inside you makes you a royal warrior. You are like a deer
with beautiful antlers and a high held head. My river of living water turns you in to a smooth
colorful stone lying beautifully amongst other stones. I will remove the rough edges. My versatility
shines through the multifacetedness of My children. I will put the stones together and make a
multicolored unity."
I was the first one to complete the assignment, but suddenly I felt very tired and without strength
and thought: "oh no, Hugo was right when he told me to stay home. I am exhausted, I cannot go
on." I was able to reach the prayer team; it felt like it was my last effort. They also asked me if I had
not been doing too much these last days. The only thing coming to mind was: "If you only knew…"
I surrendered while they were praying over me. Deep pains welled up from my heart, and after
those pains other pains, and so it went on. They continued to pray until I felt peace. Father himself
continued to comfort me for quite a while after this prayer.
That night we had an open creative worship evening, in which people honored God each in their
own way. Some were drawing or painting, others used flags, and some brought a poem or did
mime... I was still feeling weak, but I decided to stand up and dance in His freedom and for His
glory. New joy flowed in me until the moment I felt strong again and was able to pray for others.
What a wonderful evening!

Sunday, the last conference day, we prepared in different groups the act for that evening. Carla,
whose main occupation was teaching drama, wanted to practice the writing and performance of
the monologue.
I decided not to search for inspiration too far, and to do what first came to mind: the story of the
prodigal son, told through the eyes of his brother that served his father faithfully, but was angry and
frustrated.
This monologue was easily put on my paper. I was the first one to be asked by Carla to bring the
monologue by means of rehearsal. I lived through the whole event because this too was part of my
healing process. Everybody was deeply touched.
It was decided that part of the group would bring the story of the prodigal son, and apply all
techniques that we had rehearsed. The brother’s monologue that couldn't be missed was planned
at the end of the performance. I was glad I could fully concentrate on this monologue during the
rehearsal; doing more would be too much for me.
The hall was filled up. There were not only participants, but also invited guest.
I presented the monologue and Jesus himself guided the whole performance. The brother started
like this: "Why? This is not fair!" In the end the brother repeated: "Why? This is not fair!" After my
performance there was a short, noiseless moment, it was a “goose bumps” moment. What was
going on? I was not able to given an answer.

Late at night Carine and I drove home; it was a long ride, but the conversations were joyful and
relaxed.
Hugo was waiting for me at home. It was a short night, but I experienced a supernatural peace.

The answer
It was Monday morning February 29, 2016, one month after Andy had gone missing. Hugo and I
were sitting on the couch. I was going to tell him about the weekend when the bell rang.
Stepping in the corridor we saw the familiar faces of the policemen behind the door window.
I knew it right away: "My son is no more, I can handle it." The whole past month, I couldn't have
coped with this moment, but now, after the theater weekend, I experienced His overwhelming
peace.
I saw the sculpture of the son with Father, I relived the moment of sharing Father’s love, I saw
drama play of the prodigal son and the monologue about the brother. Nothing could keep me from
accepting the following as only real truth for our son: Andy sits on Father’s lap and enjoys this
wonderful homecoming and the comforting love. This was not the way we would have chosen, but
"live" is what our son Andy does right now. The heavy iron chains that bound him for such a long
time are gone now.

The thanksgiving service
Thursday march 10th we planned a thanksgiving service. We have a beautiful banquet hall in our
street and we knew pretty soon that we could arrange everything there. It is a beautiful big hall.
Concerning Andy's friends, we talk about old friends, most of them from Kalmthout, and his current
friends, mostly party friends. One of his old friends made a special Facebook group "Saying
goodbye to Andy"
All friends shared their dismay and their pain on Facebook. We invited all of them personally for
the service.
During the preparations our family was unanimous as never before.
The planning with the Gods ambassade team went smoothly. When God takes the lead, you don't
need to interfere too much. I had a deep desire to meet Andy's friends, I knew so many names
from conversations with Andy. When they arrived we welcomed them warmly. People kept coming,
the hall was completely filled, I think around 300 people attented the meeting.
The songs, the poem Iana read, the dance with Iana and Utha, the word Hugo gave… It all
contributed to the message of salvation. We could feel the power of God’s Spirit.
Now we have to leave our son with the Father, but we are aware that many seeds were planted
during the service, and we pray that they will germinate and lead many to salvation.

The blessing (Numbers 6: 24 - 25 ) Hugo spoke at the end of the service:

“The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

We would like to express our deepest thanks to all who prayed for us and our son all these years;
those who supported us; and those who helped us through this last difficult period; those who
made the service possible: our team, also the technical team; but most of all our heavenly Daddy,
who was there for Andy when we could not help him.