It takes me three minutes to understand the depths of the person in front of me

This was the opening line of a business man I met at a conference in which I would speak, himself having some responsibilities there as well. It has been a long time ago, but I will never forgot his words. You hear it quite often: someone specializing in the “three-minute tactic”, another one assessing people by the way they maintain their shoes. Others try to place people into boxes according to their constellations, where others have developed tactics to counteract the “three-minute tactic” to the point were it becomes a wasted effort. I can recall many of these “methods”, though it leaves me wondering, asking myself whether these people are so insecure about themselves that they need a “shoe polishing evaluation” to make sure they will be able to handle the next human contact.

The “three-minute tactic” to me, just like many other systems, is just a fig leaf to camouflage yourself. I have been married for 35 years now and I still have not figured out my wife completely. Not that it is my assignment to do so, but rather to love her and be surprised each time she comes from a different angle.

These “fig leaves” have cost so many people qualitative friendships and merely lead to fortified pretense in interaction with other people, knowing the risk of the other one also being skilled in the “three-minute course”.

Should you ever meet me, I would not worry if I were you: I will not be able to fit you in a box within three minutes, and I will rather look you in the eyes instead of looking at the toes of your shoes. Should we become friends, rest assured I would not work on a classification of the way you fit together. I can only promise you that I will like you and respect you. I learned that from Jesus, the Founder of our club, and it happens to make me enjoyably free!

Hugo